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modestaust811

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Posts: 14
Reply with quote  #1 

Hi guys, 

The last 2 months have been very hard for me, and it's hard not to be depressed, to feel hopeless. 

 

I've been dealing with anxiety for quite a long time, and I got better from it for a year and half thanks to Claire Weekes, jeff, and this website. It all came roaring back early april when I was going through a difficult postgrad. 

 

Since that time i've been anxious more days then not, my girlfriend of 6 months left me because she couldn't deal with my anxiety. I had difficulty finding an internship in the field I want to work in. I finally found an internship and I start on monday, and I can't help but feel like I'm going to screw it up. 

 

I'm trying to accept some of these symptoms, but one comes then goes, then another comes. I keep trying to search for answers, which is the wrong thing to do. I know I need to accept, float, and let some time pass. But now I'm beginning to fear the depression. I can't help but think something is really wrong with me, and I know there isn't, but my anxious mind goes to that. 

 

I've beaten this before, but it's so hard to have to do it again after knowing what it's like to be normal. 

 

I'm scared I won't amount to anything, and have to be cared by my mother for the rest of my life. Never able to be independant. I think that's my biggest fear, and it keeps coming up again, and again. 


I can't go the medication root, for one they'r way too activating for me, and I don't really believe they're that helpful from what I've seen in my research on it. 

 

I see a therapist, and she's nice, and fine, but she's expensive, and I wish I could see someone who had claire weekes knowledge. 

 

I don't know. Just kind of ranting. Some advice would be nice maybe. I really hope I do well at this job. But I'm dreading it. 

Brittanykayy

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Posts: 12
Reply with quote  #2 
Hi !! I know exactly how you feel !
My advice is that this will pass too. It sounds like you’re in a super stressful phase and that’s ok! You’re bound to feel down. Allow yourself to feel the anxiety and uncomfortable feelings.
I know exactly what you mean about being scared to be depressed. When my anxiety was at its worst, I was terrified of becoming depressed (and I wasn’t even depressed!!) that I would make myself feel depressed temporarily. Vicious cycle !!
I think you should work on being kind to yourself and maybe you just need a little pick me up. I’ve kind of been feeling similar lately, due to a huge change in my family which is super stressful. I hadn’t had any anxiety in months ! And then BAM it’s back, not too bad but it’s there and I’m starting to fear becoming depressed and the DEEP rooted fear that “something is wrong with me” which it isn’t !! It’s just anxiety. The problem is the fear and resistance. Right now I’m working on developing more self love, self trust, self compassion and I’m also trying to keep busier and enjoy the little things. If I sit and ruminate, then it just gets worse and worse. It takes a lot of practice .. it’s hard to break mental habits. Nothing is wrong with you. You sound like a nice and normal person that experiences anxiety. I’m here if you need to talk more ! I totally understand what you’re feeling. [smile]
Brittanykayy

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Posts: 12
Reply with quote  #3 
I’ve also never taken any meds. It’s absolutely beatable naturally, it’s just hard as hell but do-able ! Anxiety isn’t an illness, it’s a condition that can be re-conditioned. I know how hard it is to be anxiety free and then feel it come back. But that’s ok! Accept it ! It will pass when the stress passes. Our bodies are extra sensitive to stress, remember that. Be kind to yourself !
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