The last 2 months have been very hard for me, and it's hard not to be depressed, to feel hopeless.
I've been dealing with anxiety for quite a long time, and I got better from it for a year and half thanks to Claire Weekes, jeff, and this website. It all came roaring back early april when I was going through a difficult postgrad.
Since that time i've been anxious more days then not, my girlfriend of 6 months left me because she couldn't deal with my anxiety. I had difficulty finding an internship in the field I want to work in. I finally found an internship and I start on monday, and I can't help but feel like I'm going to screw it up.
I'm trying to accept some of these symptoms, but one comes then goes, then another comes. I keep trying to search for answers, which is the wrong thing to do. I know I need to accept, float, and let some time pass. But now I'm beginning to fear the depression. I can't help but think something is really wrong with me, and I know there isn't, but my anxious mind goes to that.
I've beaten this before, but it's so hard to have to do it again after knowing what it's like to be normal.
I'm scared I won't amount to anything, and have to be cared by my mother for the rest of my life. Never able to be independant. I think that's my biggest fear, and it keeps coming up again, and again.
I can't go the medication root, for one they'r way too activating for me, and I don't really believe they're that helpful from what I've seen in my research on it.
I see a therapist, and she's nice, and fine, but she's expensive, and I wish I could see someone who had claire weekes knowledge.
I don't know. Just kind of ranting. Some advice would be nice maybe. I really hope I do well at this job. But I'm dreading it.