cacophony
Registered: 11/03/09
Posts: 3
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Reply with quote | #1 |
I have been suffering from panic attacks/intense anxiety disorder for about a year now.
What triggered my panic attacks was doing lsd about a year ago. Afterwards this kid I know was talking about how you can put it on anything and talking about all these ways to dose people without their knowledge. This scared me and turned into an intense phobia that it could be on anything. (I am not a drug user except that I smoke cigarettes, this was one of my only experiences with something like this in my life)
My panic attacks are also accompanied with weird visual hallucinations. Another thing is that my right pupil will grow larger than my left one and my eyes will hurt really badly accompanied with all the other symptoms of a panic attack... the longest panic attack lasted about six hours which was one of the first ones I had.
I have been unable to get medical help because I don't have health insurance. The one time I went to a doctor they got angry with me and I felt they didn't take me seriously/believe that I was suffering from panic attacks this intensely. They refused to prescribe me any medications to help with them such as valium ( I don't want anti-depressants, I've heard too many horror stories with them).
Today I was watching a documentary on panic attacks which gave me a panic attack and scared me really badly. It was showing images of people stuck in mental institutions because of their panic attacks and the way they were feeling was pretty close to how intense my panic attacks are. I get them on a daily basis and every time I feel like I'm going to lose my mind.
I'm really searching for a way to make this stop. I've tried breathing and controlling it but it doesn't always help. I always feel like I'm suffocating or having a heart attack. I had open heart surgery and always get scared that I'm going to have problems because of it.
Any help/suggestions would be immensely appreciated.
Thank you for listening.
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Rhombus
Registered: 01/30/09
Posts: 158
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Reply with quote | #2 |
You'll first have to describe the hallucinations -- are we talking full blown seeing things, or visual distortions, visual static, that kind of thing?
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cacophony
Registered: 11/03/09
Posts: 3
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Reply with quote | #3 |
I'll see things moving in my peripheral vision. I see trails coming off of things, when I move my hands, when I turn my head the world will get distorted and blur. I see spots everywhere, different colored lights and things feel a lot more intense and vivid. I think I associate my panic attacks with the feelings I had when I was on the drug. A big part of it is I'm expecting to start feeling that way again. My theory is that since I am expecting it so much my mind makes me see things similar to when I did then...? It's just a personal theory. |
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Smacks
Registered: 08/03/08
Posts: 62
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Reply with quote | #4 |
I've tripped acid before. Pretty amazing stuff! I never want to do it again!! I can see where that would cause some paranoia that someone will slip it in food or drink but the chances of that actually happening are very slim. Who is going to waste good money on spiking someone's stuff? If I'm going to pay for that stuff..*I'm* going to be the one that gets the high. Although, when I used to go out to clubs or bars I was very careful to keep my drink with me at all times so someone wouldn't slip roofies in it.
Sometimes I see things out of my peripheral vision, too. I usually chalk it up to being tired or stressed and do not add fear to it and it goes away quickly. Panic tends to hang on to what scares us the most and doesn't let up until we stop being scared. If seeing blurs and spots scares you the most then that's the panic trigger that will hang around. Once you lose that fear and realize it's not a symptom of an acid trip and shrug it off, it will stop happening.
I've never heard of panic sufferers being in mental institutions. Was that their only reason for being in there or was there some other kind of mental disorder?
Have you checked to see if your county has a free clinic? Call around and see if there's a clinic that will see you based on income.
Take a good look around on this website. Hang around a while, ask questions, and apply what you learn here. Grab a copy of Dr. Claire Weeke's book (I have 'Hope and Help for Your Nerves') and learn how to Face, Float, Accept, and Let time pass. These are your keys to recovery. Good luck!
__________________
Today is the tomorrow we worried about yesterday. |
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jeff
Moderator
Registered: 01/13/06
Posts: 1,915
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Reply with quote | #5 |
The majority of post-reactive "hallucinations" from LSD or cannabis or most any drug, even aspirin, is the self-talk of "Oh no, what if I have hallucinations that never go away?" And because you are on high alert for this to occur, your nervous system is on fire. This is called being in a sensitized state. It causes your eyes to be distorted, your balance to be upset and your stomach sour. You "see" things in your periphery, motions, movements, all distorted.
But this is JUST sensitization caused by your querying of your fear. You go on alert. I would bet that when you are relaxed or your mind is occupied with something else that you don't get these..right?
Because they are caused by your WORRYING about them.
The good news: sensitization has never caused anything more than what you have experienced.
What you now have to do is train your mind to:
1. tell yourself, RATIONALLY, that you are only currently sensitized out of fear, and there is nothing MAJORLY WRONG with you - your body or mind.
2. let the "hallucinations" just happen - as you practice ignoring them they will depart.
3. let the analysis GO. This is the hardest part because one's natural tendency is to "figure it out!" AND THAT has been your dilemna. There is NO figuring out fear in the hopeful attempt to have CONTROL over it. There is only letting the analysis go.
You see your nervous system has ONE job. That is to PROTECT YOU from threats. So you have determined that these "visual distortions" threaten you. So each time you "test" to see if they are still there, your nervous system recreates them to show you what you are afraid of so that you can run away from them. It is very primitive and the only way to defeat the process is to ACCEPT the process while understanding how it works.
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Rhombus
Registered: 01/30/09
Posts: 158
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Reply with quote | #6 |
Quote: Originally Posted by cacophony
I'll see things moving in my peripheral vision. I see trails coming off of things, when I move my hands, when I turn my head the world will get distorted and blur. I see spots everywhere, different colored lights and things feel a lot more intense and vivid. I think I associate my panic attacks with the feelings I had when I was on the drug. A big part of it is I'm expecting to start feeling that way again. My theory is that since I am expecting it so much my mind makes me see things similar to when I did then...? It's just a personal theory.
Yep. Listen to the Jeff guy. The good thing here is that you aren't actually having hallucinations. Those are called visual distortions.
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Linda432
Registered: 02/22/07
Posts: 1,097
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Reply with quote | #7 |
Yeah, listen to Jeff - he's said it all.
And then if you want more, read more information on his method here on panicend.com. It works!
Hope you feel better.
Linda
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cacophony
Registered: 11/03/09
Posts: 3
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Reply with quote | #8 |
Jeff, thank you. This has really helped me understand them.
That's the best advice anyone has given me thus far and I've been trying to talk to a lot of people about it. You're right, I've been terrified that these are permanent hallucinations. I'll let you know how it goes =) |
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