I know Jeff has a lot of advice about biology.
what really confuses me is why since being sensitised the anxiety starts in the morning like clockwork. I could put a timer on it. It’s bizarre. I wake a lot during the night as I have a baby who feeds a lot which is fine. I deal with that and it doesn’t bother me. For example I woke this morning at 3:30am and at 5am and both times I have zero anxiety...
Then every morning by 6am I can feel the anxiety flooding my system and my thoughts slowly deteriorate into negative ‘this is chemical and out of my hands’ type of thoughts. At this point I can no longer see how I have any control over this? I know this is chemical because it’s literally woken me up am as well so it happens whether I’m awake before 6am and apprehensive or whether I’m fast asleep and minding my own business.
At the start of this setback the anxiety lasted for most of the day but then slowly the evenings have been a little better with each passing day with the odd blip here and there mostly triggered by my own thoughts. It’s the mornings I just don’t understand. If anxiety is really psychological and self created and brought on by our own thinking why does this feel so chemical and out of my hands?
In the last I have gone weeks without thinking about anxiety at all. Then there are days where I have it on a low level and I just accept it and get on with my day without letting it phase me. But the anxiety I feel during a setback is so powerful it stops me being able to think or care about anything else but figuring it all out. It’s so hard NOT to do that! I feel so hopeless and negative and after being fairly well for some time I feel hugely disappointed. I genuinely believed that I would never experience anxiety like this again because I had been so accepting. I know I’m not accepting now but I feel like I’ve hit a wall.