honey915

I won’t go on and on as I know this subject has been touched on many a time but after a long period of fully embracing everything that anxiety has given me and genuinely not fearing it, I have reverted into despair. 


I felt I had more or less improved to a place where I would not be this anxious again but felt that if I did that was ok. 


This year has been very stressful and I have been minimally anxious with days of heightened anxiety that I have accepted and those days have passed. 

More recently, looking back I can see I became less accepting of the feelings and thoughts. I started to feel impressed by them again. Slowly but truly my mood has spiralled down the black hole to a place I haven’t been to for years. I can see how it happened now really with my attitude dwindling but my oh my is it hard to be ok with this feeling. Usually I would just brush it off and carry on with my day taking the feeling along but it really is hard to find the motivation to get better. Right now I am only motivated to cry and feel compelled to research and ruminate and catastrophise. The feeling of despair is not like normal acute anxiety feelings. It is a place in hell, where I feel depressed and trapped. I am trying to just accept and be ok with this feeling. 

I thought I was getting depression and that the solution for that is different so what if I’m not anxious anymore and this has turned into depression? 

Do others get this feeling of despair? I am completely in my own mind and unsure how I will work tomorrow like this. I have had previous episodes of despair while I was off on maternity leave so I am fearful that it will affect my ability to work. 

I suppose really I know the answer to this! 

Accept
There is nothing wrong with you- it is just anxiety
Face everything 
stop researching 
maybe reread some of my books again to prompt me to manage this the right way
be ok with not being ok 

I suppose I’m just looking for others to share their experience with despair and what helped them through these periods? 

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honey915
Just to add to that: I feel the issue is with motivation when the despair hits me. The despair is so powerful, I feel unmotivated to change because I am so shocked by how severe the sensitisation is and my brain struggles to accept or move forward because there is nothing in my life that I want to focus on as usually I am positively motivated by my children, things I’m looking forward to, being healthy and making healthy choices, meal times and cooking but when I’m this low nothing matters to me other than basic survival and functioning at the most basic of levels to ensure my children are cared for. How do I motivate myself? 
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Jonmike
Hi. Yes I've had this many times before. Especially after I was doing really well. It's almost like you get used to not feeling anxious and then all of a sudden you are at the bottom again... even though you knew you were heading that way you think you'll be fine. Of course it's not true that you are at the bottom. Basically my advice would be to start with simple things that's make you happy before you felt this way. They haven't gone away. Appreciate the small things first. Not much time to answer today sorry 
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honey915
Thankyou for your response. It feels utterly awful to be honest and so it’s hard to tell myself to accept it and let it be there because it’s rendering me unable to do anything. I have laid in bed all morning and I can’t eat. I feel like I am wasting my life away like this but nothing makes me happy right now so what’s the point? 
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Vin
Honey
          I m in the same place as you after having been almost my old Self for 8yrs after all this anxiety started but take heart you have got better once you will get better again. I m slowly coming out of this and Not as severe as it started all over again . Pls understand that with each passing day it gets better I bet  so don't despair be courageous to accept whatever life throws at you and keep pushing fwd even if you don't like to and take care of yourself well and forget about everything else . Presently the most important person in your life is you .
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Vin
Keep in mind that like any other ailment this also has relapses . Its not a one and done deal and you will surely have leaps Fwd too☺️
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honey915
Thankyou vin that’s really helpful. I’ve had glimpses today of hope and then back to feeling low. Just telling myself this will improve, although I always worry it wont improve but I think that’s part of it isn’t it? 8 years is hopeful. I’d happily have a couple of off days/weeks to be mostly well for 8 years straight so I figure that if I go through this the right way then the time between of respite will be longer. It’s been about four years since I was last here. So that’s good going I guess really. It shows that I am capable of acceptance I’m just not so great at it right now! 
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Vin
Emotions and thoughts are always passing clouds they keep changing just like you cannot be happy always similarly you cannot be sad or fearful or angry always . And there's no rule you have to be happy always anxiety is also a state of mind just allow it to be there without involving with it and don't aim for happiness or feeling good .it will come to you  when it has to .when you are in the  thick of anxiety it feels like it may not end but it always gets better with time. Just read Christopher user posts I don't know whether he still visits the forum he has some very good points to make about emotions . They are all safe and just our reactions and there's no harm in the experience of any emotion. 
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honey915
Thanks I will look into Christopher thankyou 
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Jonmike
great advice vin.....

honey, the thing with feelings is we tend to hold onto the bad ones, the reason they are hanging around is because you are holding onto them, they would just move on if you didn't add any importance to them, you brain has now categorised them as a bad thing, why are they happening? what can we do to stop them??  it really doesn't matter if youre feeling low, despair, unhappiness, however you want to describe it, just stop analysing why they are there and accept that they are there, then move on. stop attaching any importance to them, when you do this, they will move on themselves.
I've been stressed myself a little lately with different things, I worry.... this is my thing, Ive worried before I realise I've worried, this makes me feel bad..... but I know they will pass when the stress hormone calms down... you should try to relax a little too, this helps me, as I was previously not a natural relaxer! I've had to learn to relax..
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honey915
Thankyou jonmike for your reply. I’m feeling bad again this morning and am heading out to work despite this. I could take the day off but I fear the more I wallow in it the more it’ll snowball anyway. The anxiety is high and the mood is low. I am tearful and don’t know what to do with myself. It’s horrible. 
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Jonmike
Well your doing the right thing going to work so good stuff.... remember all feeling are temporary. You won't snowball into anything because you are aware. And the knowledge you have is the most important thing. You don't have to feel happy, just let it be whatever it wants to be and it will move on in no time. Just don't force it away or want it to go away. 
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