I won’t go on and on as I know this subject has been touched on many a time but after a long period of fully embracing everything that anxiety has given me and genuinely not fearing it, I have reverted into despair.
I felt I had more or less improved to a place where I would not be this anxious again but felt that if I did that was ok.
This year has been very stressful and I have been minimally anxious with days of heightened anxiety that I have accepted and those days have passed.
More recently, looking back I can see I became less accepting of the feelings and thoughts. I started to feel impressed by them again. Slowly but truly my mood has spiralled down the black hole to a place I haven’t been to for years. I can see how it happened now really with my attitude dwindling but my oh my is it hard to be ok with this feeling. Usually I would just brush it off and carry on with my day taking the feeling along but it really is hard to find the motivation to get better. Right now I am only motivated to cry and feel compelled to research and ruminate and catastrophise. The feeling of despair is not like normal acute anxiety feelings. It is a place in hell, where I feel depressed and trapped. I am trying to just accept and be ok with this feeling.
I thought I was getting depression and that the solution for that is different so what if I’m not anxious anymore and this has turned into depression?
Do others get this feeling of despair? I am completely in my own mind and unsure how I will work tomorrow like this. I have had previous episodes of despair while I was off on maternity leave so I am fearful that it will affect my ability to work.
I suppose really I know the answer to this!
There is nothing wrong with you- it is just anxiety
maybe reread some of my books again to prompt me to manage this the right way
be ok with not being ok
I suppose I’m just looking for others to share their experience with despair and what helped them through these periods?